Today I ruined a chair at a family gathering : loseit
Fuck my life.
I was so proud of myself at the start of this week. I have lymph drainage two times a week and on Tuesday we measured again: My right knee is 7cm thinner! On Wednesday was my first Weigh-In together with this sub and I lost 2.5kg in the last week. I was really happy and carefully hopeful.
Fast forward to today. I met up with my fathers half of the family to celebrate persian new year, we were about 20 people and I see most of them only this one time a year. My aunt has cantilever chairs, the ones with bent metal but no actual legs. Well. We sat down, everything was good at first. I had to stand up two times to let other people through, we get all seated and I sit down again. The chair gives in. The metal bent further and I fucking ruined it. I left the dining room to breathe and cry. I was so jittery and upset and my family was so fucking nice, bringing me water and setting up some dishes for me and three others to eat in the living room instead. I couldn’t eat. I just sat there, numb, trying my hardest not to cry again – and failing. They tried to reassure me that all was well and I didn’t need to be ashamed, but everytime someone said something to me I just felt the tear ducts open again. Shortly after the dinner, I asked my mother if she could pick me up, thankfully she just finished work and was there in 15 minutes.
There are just so many emotions running through me. It’s not only about the ruined chair. It’s not only about ruining it in front of a bunch of people. It’s… every time I try to pick myself up I get knocked down again. This time literally. When I tried calorie counting, paleo, keto, I didn’t lose weight. When I walked outside daily, I broke my foot. When I give up soda and alcohol, I break a chair.
When I left, my aunt tried to cheer me up and even cried a bit herself. She tried to tell me to maybe see this as a sign. I couldn’t even respond. Couldn’t even say I tried everything to lose weight these past 4 years (except an operation). Couldn’t say anything about the doctors visits that didnt helped in the slightest. I could just leave.
But I will not drink alcohol today because of this. So there’s that.