I think I’m depressed but can’t bring myself to tell my family : DecidingToBeBetter
Edit: Last paragraph explains my current situation the rest is just for better understanding and context.
So my mental state took a leap off a cliff last summer after I went from a stressful final year of school straight into two weeks at the hospital running tests that amounted to me finding out that my scoliosis completely screwed my right lung and that was the reason for all the problems I had with head aches, repeated chest infections among other problems that you’d expect from essentially operating on one lung. I also took a gap year in hopes of getting surgery but my condition progressed too far to the point of being way to high risk for operating.
After leaving the hospital is when my mind went off the rails, I’d constantly question what’s the point of living and I had severe attachment issues to fictional characters as a number of shows were my life line during those 2 weeks in hospital, I lost all interest in my only hobby which was video games but they were the only thing to do to get days to end asap which just added to the problem, sometimes my head would feel like exploding and during those times my mind was basically telling me “what’s the point of living” on repeat, I started to be afraid of myself because even though I knew I wouldn’t kill myself because of what I would leave behind I couldn’t trust myself.
After bottling this up for the rest of the year it subsided slightly, I decided to learn how to play the piano and my outlook on life was a lot better but lately it came back in the most absurd way, in that I get full very easily when I’m eating which is something I dealt with as long as I can remember but now when I am full I’d spontaneously feel sick and depressed again until I eventually get sick or I manage to keep it down then I feel ok (only ok but not myself). I want to tell my parents but I don’t know how cause I already feel like such a burden with them looking after me because of my physical condition and my mother is especially stressed and anxious cause she also has to care for her mother who’s very needy but also very rude to her so I’d feel terrible if I added to her problems cause she took my surgery being a no go way harder than even myself cause she felt she had failed me which is obviously not true in any way but getting to my question how do I tell them I might have actual depression without them getting too worried about it.